Monday, February 21, 2011

Katak

Di manakah kehidupan? Manakah garisannya?
Apakah kehidupan? Apakah bolanya?
Siapa tahu akan kehidupan? Jangan berpetak kepala.

Besar Kemaluan Saya

Yaaaa saya yakin anda tergerak hati untuk baca blog ini sebab tajuk di atas. Maaf, kemaluan yang dimaksudkan di sini bukanlah kata nama am.
Saya takkan cerita panjang pasal kemaluan saya.
Bangun pukul 11.30am di Klang. Kerja pukul 2pm di KL. Lambat.
Baju kemeja tak gosok. Seluar pun tidak. Apa lagi saya pun ambilah seluar jeans yang menyerupai seluar kerja, agak ketat ya saudara saudari. Maklumlah, isteri saya pandai memasak. Ehem.
Baju? Pakai jaket sudah. Kalau tak pakai apa2 pun bukan orang tahu. Seluar dalam saya pakai! Jangan monyet~ ofis sejuk.
Tiba di ofis awal. 1.50pm. Bagus.
Ngantuk. Buat Nescafe peQat. Duduk di meja kerja. Letak cawan kopi.
Perut buncit. Sendat. Rasa2nya... kalau buka butang dan zip dikira gangguan seksual di tempat kerjakah? Ah. Meja aku, bukan ada orang lain nampak pun.
Sedang ghairah menaip...PAP. Kopi tumpah atas meja. Er. Kaku jap. Er.
TISU! Bangun lari cari tisu.
Lupa. Belum butang dan zip seluar. Er. Er.
***
Saya lap meja sambil memikirkan apalah agaknya gelaran yang akan diberikan di belakang saya?
En. Starbucks? En. Nescafe? Harith Iskandar? Gloria Jeans...?? -_-

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Château de rêve

Dreams are always weird. The fact that you forget them is even weirder. Some dreams however, are so unforgettable, breathtaking and beautiful you wonder how your mind can come up with such things...

One of those dreams usually started out simple. Occurring events here and there, walking through houses, then suddenly...

I can see a huge plain and about two football fields in front of me stood a huge-ass tree-castle on a staircase-like hill, like the ones on golf courses, complete with a black gate and clear blue sky background.

This drawing sucks!

Laugh all you want. I'm not a painter. It is almost impossible to depict the "epic"ness and the greatness of the view. Only in dreams where you can grasp such depth and tone on what you see or experience...

To better understand the settings from your perspective, it could be explained this way:

Only 5 minutes a day for perfect abs

The black dots are houses, and the tree-castle stood at the bottom of a staircase-like hill. I think the huge-ass-castle-tree-in-front-of-a-huge-ass-plain is kind of a subconscious image mash up I saw from somewhere...hey wait a sec-

This is familiar...

???????
Even better!


Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Gadis Cantik Idaman Pria

Aku tahu laman blog aku kurang menyerlah. Yalah, orang macam aku idea datang sekali sekala sahaja, nak tulis selalu pun rasa tak guna nak paksa minda aku ini. Kalau paksa2, maka tertulislah blog yang amatlah bosan sekali.

Alangkah bagusnya jika aku seorang gadis yang cantik, tulislah apa sahaja pun, orang pasti mahu baca, macam Hanis Zalikha~

Kalau aku perempuan cantik, ambiklah gambar lagak bagaimanapun, orang pasti mahu lihat, tak kiralah baru bangun dari tidur atau baru nak tidur. Agaknya muka tengah terberak pun ada orang nak tengok. Maklumlah, cantik.

Kalau perempuan cantik, bukan sahaja lelaki suka melihat, kaum hawa sendiri pun rasa teruja. "Eh, cantikla you, muke you cam Megan Musang." "I suke tgk u pakai tudung cam Yuna cumiiiill :))))))))))."

Bluek

Tapi kalau orang lelaki lainlah ceritanya, kalau kacak sangatlah, paling nak puji pun orang perempuan sahajalah, itupun yang gedik2. Kalau lelaki kacak pula... tak payah beranganlah, kalau lelaki lain puji, er, faham2 lah sendiri. Kalau perempuan itu pula cantik, maka tak payahlah nak puji lelaki kacak, biar lelaki itu sahaja yang datang, macam bunga menunggu kumbang~

Oh~ perempuan cantik~ begitu mudah kau mempengaruhi masyarakat~

Kalaulah aku perempuan cantik, tak payah belajar tinggi2 atau jauh2 atau besar2. Jadi sahaja model, paling tidak pun pelakon. Kalau boleh menyanyi lagilah, mata tambahan. Tak payah susah2 kerja, cari sahaja lelaki yang berkemampuan. Jangan dapat yang kurang berkemampuan di atas ranjang sudahlah.

Kalaulah aku perempuan cantik, akan aku berlagak sombong, Yalah, kalau sudah cantik, beramah mesra nanti orang kata aku ni wanita murahan, mana2 lelaki pun boleh~ tua atau muda, miskin atau kaya.

Oh tidak, tidak. Aku bukan wanita murahan. You want me? Show me the money~

Monday, January 10, 2011

THIS IS BELACAN!!!!!

The other day me n wifey went to Tesco to buy some groceries. When we went to look for belacan (prawn paste) we saw this:



Everything about it screamed awesome.From the colour contrast of metallic blue and gold, to the perspective lines surrounding a bell, with the iconic prawn and dragon emblem, it's as if Jackie Chan designed the packaging himself.

Usually, other belacan packaging are downright boring...







Presentation is very VERY important

Friday, October 8, 2010

At a Shop

(While looking around a salesgirl came to my dad...)

Salesgirl: Yes?
Dad: No

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

It's annoying when...

1. people tell me to stop wearing skinny jeans. You're probably jealous, cos you're fat
2. people ask me why i shave my head. That's like asking why women wear make up
3. people tell me to grow my hair. Bald issue again
4. people ask me questions that they can asnwer themselves
5. ugly people call other people ugly
6. people tell me the dangers of smoking. i've been hearing that for the past 23 years from my DOCTOR parents
7. a person don't shampoo their hair. I'm bald, and even i use shampoo
8. a person don't wear deodorant. IT'S THE 21st CENTURY FOR GOD'S SAKE!
9. a person wears huge-ass headphones and bobbing their head in public. Seriously, don't do that
10. a person comes up to you and start talking like they've known you for years. Stay away from me creep!
11. a person won't admit they've lost a match. LOSER
12. a person uses your own comeback against you. Ex: A:You're a dumbass B No, you're a dumbass
13. a person doesn't signal when driving. THE ULTIMATE ANNOYANCE